Monkeys.

Not sure why people need such large tick-marks, especially in the form of a smiley face, when the hold itself is already saturated with chalk. The above photo was from Monkey Bars boulder in Kraft. C'mon! If you find yourself needing a tick mark visible from 30 feet away, wouldn't it be better to just apply climbing tape? Go ahead and apply a huge strip of lime green tape to the hold. Then, when you're done with your fluorescent aided sendage, at least you can remove the tape from the boulder and leave it as you found it. Could it be that people try so hard they can't see the holds unless it's dramatically marked, or is it gym rats transporting the gym to the outdoors?

Anywho, list of week's problems sent:

Wed - Red Springs
Monkey Wrench - V6
St. Louis - V4 (repeat)
It's On - V4 (repeat)

Thurs - Kraft
Monkey Traverse - V7

Sat - Kraft
Monkey Direct - V8
Slopey Traverse - V6 (repeat)

I am unsure of the grades and probably got lucky with good conditions and positively psyched partners. Sorry no pix or vids b/c i only had one spotter, and sends were usually in poor light right around sunset. Monkey Direct is my first "v8" but word is that it's soft. Since I can't do v4 in the gunks or jtree, probably best to consider everything i've ever sent as V3. Either that or I have an affinity for boulder problems that contain the word "monkey".

John's first time.

"Show me the boulders!"...

"Show me the chicken pot pie!"

"Show me the Bowling Pin (V4)!"

P's two dawgs.

"I am the king!  Follow me!"

Bishop.

For President's Day weekend, Stanley,

JB & Othello,
P,
and I went to one of the bestest places on the planet: Bishop.

The first night we stayed in a poisonous hotel:

The trip went like this:

Day 1:

Sent the Hulk at the Happy Boulders. I first copied what everybody else was doing (as always) and just worked the crux move a couple of times. It really is all about the toe hook. I was thinking about how to set a similar problem in the gym and concluded that the angles involved would make it quite difficult. Here's JB spotting me and adroitly helping me avoid a "dab".

After dinner, we get lost on the way to some god-forsaken hot spring and get the car stuck in a pond. 2 highway patrol officers, 2 hours standing in the cold, and a $225 tow truck bill later, we are back in the hotel getting wasted to forget the entire ordeal ever even happened.

Day 2:

Morning espressos at Black Sheep. Don't do it! Their "double" espresso was a more like a single droplet of sour tasting foulness. The bookstore in front is pretty cool though. Then speed over to the Buttermilks which was a zoo, albeit a nice, tame, quiet zoo. No boomboxes, crying babies, or worse, those portable speakers attached to them ipod doohickeys all the youngsters have playing trance or some other silly genre of popular music.

After sending the Bowling Pin, I get schooled on High Plains Drifter. The snow patch in the pix below was melting in the sun, and water was dripping down onto some of the holds. It didn't matter though. It just felt damn hard.

Reaching for sidepull.

Gaining the sloper... is this the "drifter" move? I can't figure it out.
Another attempt to grab the sloper.
Then proceed to Las Palmas for margaritas and beer, the same place that nearly killed P via dirty vegetable burrito bomb several years ago.

Day 3

Race back to the Buttermilks to bag High Plains Drifter before the hotel checkout. While there, I untethered Othello and he ran off, thereby making me "that guy", better known as the douchebag that lets his dog run amok at a climbing area. While Othello was gone, I got to the first jug at the top of HPD and floundered, popping off like a confused fish out of water. I ended up kicking my spotter JB in the face and possibly breaking his nose and lip. Othello then decides to show up, so I tie his ass up, meditate, and then send HPD. It's a beautiful problem on great holds.

Results:

Sends:
Hulk v6

Bowling pin v4

Buttermilk stem SDS v4

High Plains Drifter v7

Fail:

Soul slinger v9

Every color you are v6

Jtree.

So happy to be in Jtree again.

Driving through the Mojave National Preserve, we encountered the above paragon of american culture: A speed limit sign riddled with bullet holes, replete with interesting sticker. The symbolism could easily fill several pompous essays. I personally just enjoy the sunlight shining through the projectile-induced perforations.

So it was just me and RV "Superrovanova". She recently started climbing indoors in NYC and enjoys bouldering, so why not introduce her to some of the stiffest boulders in the southwest? I mean, I can do a v7 at red rocks or the gunks if I'm lucky, and I can't even do a v0 friction slab at jtree. Anyway, I think it worked. When RV returned to NYC, her outdoor exposure lent her a new perspective on indoor climbing. She immediately ceased being intimidated by phony indoor grades once she realized she was climbing in a totally safe multi-colored foam padded loony bin where all the holds are friendlier than the friendliest that Red Rock has to offer.

RV meets a martian friend of similar stature.

Monzonite granite vs. RV's skin.

Somebody working The Chube V2.

RV on a 5.6 slab by Barker Dam entrance. A group of tourists walked by and exclaimed, "She's not hooked in!"

Slam Dunk V3 in hidden valley. This cost me 5 or 6 attempts, plus a smashed right toe as I idiotically swung my feet into the wall.

Slam Dunk V3. from Hotel Sierra on Vimeo.

Caliman - V7

Caliman - V7 from Hotel Sierra on Vimeo.

I did this once before about a year ago and couldn't repeat it. Today, I did it twice. I'm not sure it's V7 anymore. I couldn't do V5 in the gunks, so I'm downgrading this in my personal book to V4 max.

Absurd.

This short video sums up our foray into frozenness. If you go now, this is what you can expect. It's all yours with no crowds. If you happen to see me there, just shoot me and put me out of my misery.

Thick. from Hotel Sierra on Vimeo.

Gunks carriage road. 18F.

Yeah, so M and I were the only ones psychotic enough to boulder outside yesterday. The usually friendly approach from the unusually empty Trapps parking lot was converted into a treacherous ice slide. We slipped and fell a couple times but were protected by eskimo-like layers of clothing and crash pads. At least we didn't have to pay the usual $15 fee since the ranger was not loony enough to leave the comfort of his living room. Of course, for the amount of misery we endured, we should have been paid. Just kidding - being married and working for a paycheck have already killed me so I don't feel a thing. Ok, just kidding again - marriage is a wonderful institution and scratching for your meat is, by most people's definitions, a good thing.

We started with the Lorax V4. I don't know if the hand-jam is off on this contrived piece of scheisse. Knowing the gunks, it probably is. I then tried New Pair of Glasses V7. Hands and toes froze after the first move. I didn't realize that numb toes could actually be worse than numb hands. Masa then did the Gill Pinch roof V4 and I tried White boys and Puerto Ricans V7. Suffice to say, my meager breakfast of a slice of pumpkin pie and an espresso from the Muddy Cup in town was not fueling the success I fantasized about.

We then shifted our focus to the Black Boulder V3. Our frozen asses and diminishing core strength did not help us on what is considered a "classic" on the east coast. Also, the Sportiva Cobras aren't the best heel-hooking hardware, as Matt S confirmed afterwards.

After 6 hours in sub-zero temperatures on overrated boulders, we retired to Bacchus for their overrated beer selection and non-existent service. Matt was right: "Never go there when you're hungry. You will starve to death." (waiting for service).

The highlight of the day, besides not being in a chalk filled gym with nauseating music (except for NJR when Matt plugs his mp3 player in), was finding the Crystal Sword, or "Icecalibur"*. I think it was by Key Hole Crack. There was a frozen waterfall with huge icicles, and we discovered one that perfectly resembled a sword, replete with bulbous handle, hilt, and proportional taper. Yeah, that sounds embarrasingly phallic and i sound like a geek/dork** raised on Luke Skywalker. Sadly, both are true.

After being frozen, bruised, and battered, I drove back to NJ and was greeted by a blizzard white-out. Couldn't get the car up the driveway and had to shovel the 2 feet of snowdrift out of the 20 foot incline at midnight. Why do so many people live in this god-forsaken state? Suffice to say, my neck feels like whiplash and my back and trapezius feel like fifty angry ninjas wailed on them with rusty dung-covered garden tools. My soul and body are now unified.

*Heather L gets credit for that one.

**I always forget the difference.

Slopey traverse again.

I sent this for the first time last year but have not been able to repeat it since then. So I decided to film myself, thinking I'd learn about my climbing mistakes. Instead I learned about the unconscious gestures that overwhelm me and I grew instantly embarrassed. Talk about narcissistic!

Slopey Traverse V6. from Hotel Sierra on Vimeo.

Yellow card:

• Stripping
• Talking to self
• No onsight
• Lens flare
• Crashpad visible

Red Card:

• Dressing (sort of)
• Ass-dragger problem
• only V6
• silly hat + bareback
• Filming self

MIA:

• Punk rock music soundtrack
• Screaming

Additional punishment for Red Card offenders may include, but is not limited to, rear naked chokes, donkey punches, and other forms of humiliation not to be tried at home.

Mr. Choad.

On the way to the Sunny & Steep crag, we encountered my first Red Rock tarantula. I placed my sunglasses by it for scale. Below is me redpointing Mr. Choad's Wild Ride, a 10 bolt 5.11b that had stymied me on numerous occasions. A small improvement in foot work and taking interminably long rests (there are a couple no hands stances) enabled me to push to the top, albeit still pretty pumped.

Below, Mark seconds the route and cleans it. A lot easier to have the second clean it than to do it while lowering because the route seems to wander left to right.

Mark's reaction to the pumpitude afterwards.

Back to Black Velvet.

Dream of Wild Turkeys 5.10a.

Here I lead my first 5.9 trad pitch. Good stances, but I started to get tired placing gear. Adding to the stress was that this was 150' long and I was running out of draws and pro. Good fun.

Andrei follows the 5.10a traverse on pitch 3.

Andrei following another 5.10a on pitch 4. It was at this point that I whipped out my daisy chain and inadvertently knocked the left lens out of my glasses. Andrei noticed a transparent piece of plastic plunge past him into the abyss 400 ft down. I ended up with no depth perception. And it was getting dark. Damn. Because of this we had to bail. Of course, the rope got stuck behind a huge flake and Ben had to lead back up to it to free it. Andrei noted that the more difficult the climb the more things started to go wrong.

Icebox Canyon.

Frigid Air Buttress 940' 5.9+.

Here I am on pitch 5, a large awkward chimney. I was able to get a head jam with my helmet.
Past the chimney and the swing onto the left face, I proceed to higher ground. There was a pretty good 4" cam placement at the top of the chimney.

Andrei leading. Actually not sure if this is a pic from this route. For some reason I can remember bouldering and sport routes down to the foot jibs, but on these traditional multipitch climbs, I seem to be unable to recall all the pitches in detail. I also have a poor memory for my placements. Perhaps this just comes with time. Andrei would tell me that a cam placement was not ideal and point out better positions, but I had a hard time visualizing what he was referring to even though I had just led it!

Ben leads the final 5.9+ pitch, which consists of a beautiful finger crack... I think this photo is of him on the diciest moment, checking a partial swing.

Frogland.

Andrei leading a chimney. (Oops... this is actually a pitch on Frigid Air Buttress (see more recent post for details on that. I also forgot to mention at the top of Frogland, we ran into Bill Ramsey and a professor friend of his that was 77 yrs old (!) and climbing 5.8. Truly inspiring. I would also add that Frogland is uber popular, and there were at least 3 parties behind us. So if you go on a weekend either get there super early or avoid it.)
I don't know how the helmet got there.
I think this was 5.7 or 5.8 ... 6 or 7 pitches. My trad mentors Ben and Andrei showed up from NJ and took me on some delightful classics. Pictures above are from Frogland in Black Velvet Canyon.