Conglomeration.

09/25/09 -- Montserrat...
Conglomerate...
Breathtaking. Less than an hour outside the city. Free. No people. No garbage, very little graffiti. Our route was named Fragel Rock. The approach was 45 degree uphill slog (1 hr+?) requiring fixed ropes in some places. 7 pitches of bolted sport. But the route wanders quite drastically, so we used twin ropes.
Last two pitches are 5.10d then 5.11b. Imagine a full body massage given by a grizzly bear in a bad mood. That's what I felt like afterwards.
That was before the descent. The descent is an maybe an hour of steepness that also required fixed ropes, and left my legs feeling like rodney king.
At the top there was helipad.
I could have used a chopper at that moment to fly me back to the car.

Sharkwalk.

Just so the 4 people who read this blog (one of which is me) is clear... Sharkwalk 5.13a (7c+) really is quite overhanging. My previous post made it look like a slab. It's slopey and powerful with a crux at the top. A beautiful route. Below is Mr. Awesome setting for the dyno at the top.
Interestingly enough, Mr. Awesome attacked it the way he trains on the 45 degree wall at the gym- square and powerful with toes pointed at the wall in an almost accusatory fashion. Unlike Mr. Awesome's Ben Moon-informed training style, I resorted to the sneaky sideways approach...
This inspiring route will require some power endurance training on slopey holds, especially since the hardest thing either of us has sent clean is a 5.12. But since Americans are lazy and prefer to get by on talent or any other avenue that avoids discipline, we may instead resort to the tried and true method of ales and onanism or "IRHM" prior to the climb. See the Cody Roth video at momentum climbing (issue#24) for a demonstration of IRHM technique. With any luck a future post will feature Mr. Awesome defeating Sharkwalk with a piledriver, as our climbing escapades evolve into professional wrestling, at least in writing.

Trophy III

This is a shot that Pilar got of a very cute collie mutt at the Trophy. But moving onwards to climb-based narcissism...
At last! I sent my second 5.12a, which hopefully proves to my buddy Masa that the first one wasn't a total fluke. Keep Your Powder Dry goes at 5.12a (7b) if you stop at the ledge, which I did. My second 5.12a ever. First was Maneater, and for both routes I required 4 shots of espresso in the car ride to the crag. Another thing they both have in common is that they are short, which favors my bouldery side because I have no power endurance. However, since I was pretending to be sport climber, I tried to pace myself by resting whenever possible to avoid a flash pump. At the crux, I dynoed with my right hand instead of the left. Most people go left. To me, the right hand is more like a body twist versus the left hand dyno being practically a campus move off of a poor crimp. There's a pic of me sticking the dyno in a previous post . After the crux, you can gain a kneebar rest that if done properly allows you to fully depump before completing a three moves on flat crimps, which aren't that easy after you're tired.
Above, Shawn lowers off The Trophy 5.12b after working out the moves. He had already sent Keep your Powder Dry so he focused on the Trophy. Shawn cleared all the hurdles today, styling the traverse, modifying the rest, sticking the dyno, and deciphering the topout on the ledge. All that remains is the linkage. He probably just needs a good night's sleep, some good ol' beer and masturbation and it'll be done. His all out dyno attempts cost him some skin though. And now for the overdone pic of wounded climber hands:
For an idea of what Shawn was trying to do and eventually did, see this link. Love the fact that the title of pic in the link is "Brilliant Footwork". I found a different way while shamefully hangdogging on second, which was to match on a bad crimp and go right with different foot positioning. I guess "different" is not the right word here as Shawn's feet were not on the rock whereas mine were... it maybe should read "go right WITH foot positioning." Not as dramatic and glorious as a three points off dyno, but my skin is intact. Part of my shameful hangdogging allowed me to put on a silly show of trying to get back on an overhanging route.
Afterwards, Captain Shawn of the Climbship Burlyprise decided to try Sharkwalk, 5.13a. Despite the horrific pun nauseating the Captain... he nonetheless put forth a valiant effort. Pilar's photo below is of Shawn after the crux dyno (what is it with these dynos?) off of an abominably tiny crimp on an overhang. Somehow the photo makes the route appear like a slab, but it was in actuality quite overhung. I dunno. Maybe 30 or 40 degrees?
But that's when things took a turn for the deadly, almost. Above us, some hooligans started mocking Shawn's screams. This was followed by a shotgun blast. OK, it wasn't a gunshot, but somebody above threw down a stone the size of a large brick and it almost hit my wife, shattering on the ledge next to her and sounding like a gunshot. We yelled up to whoever it was that they should NOT throw rocks but I was furious that somebody nearly hit my wife. After Shawn lowered, I fashioned a weapon made of a gri-gri attached to 2 quick draws and ran around the cliff intending to bludgeon whoever threw the rock. When I got around to the top of the Trophy, whoever it was had left... dismayed by the disappearance of the perpetrators, I was left with a sinking feeling surrounding the thought that people tend to hurt others not out of malicious intent but rather out of commonplace thoughtless ignorance.
Below, Shawn grows impatient while waiting for me to mete out vengeance on the absent stone-thrower on the other side of the cliff.
"... Where is that muther ucker?"

Glen
Keep Your Powder Dry 5.12a - redpoint
The Trophy - 5.12b - incomplete/hangdog
Sharkwalk - 5.13a - hangdog/left behind a bail biner (more shame!)

Shawn
The Trophy - 3 tries incomplete (next time Gadget!)
Sharkwalk - incomplete

A##hole rock thrower
My wife - missed

Can't stay away from Mary Jane.

We found ourselves on a tired Sunday morning wanting to take it easy. So MJ at Charleston it was. We all took turns on Pine in the Ass 5.10b. The above photo is me on the crimps right after the crux. Best part of the climb.
Pilar "P-Money" grappling with the crux.
Above, Shawn making it look easy.
You know Shawn is strong (suffers from burlyitis*), but did you know he's also 50 ft tall? Above, Shawn about to eat a lilliputian climber.
After imbibing aforementioned climber, Shawn, like Alice in Wonderland, took on tiny proportions himself. Above he looks a little bewildered by his newfound stature.

*The ability to pull super-hard moves while contemplating totem animals.

Lost City.

Yesterday my friend Mike and I visited the Lost City at the Gunks in Peterskill to do some toproping. We had the place to ourselves because it was 90F and 89% humidity. We warmed up on a 5.8 crack that was wetter than wet. Then we moved over to some 5.11ish face, which was kind of short. Then we each took a few burns on Caffeine and Nicotine 5.12b. Mike deciphered the crux moves. Very very fun route requiring all kinds of climbing: traverse, slab, face, roof, deadpoint, gastons, side-pulls, bumps. The pure variety of the route is astounding. Now I just have to sneak back and redpoint it before Mike does.

Mike leads the way to the Lost City. He's like Indiana Jones, but without a hat, a whip, khakis, a man purse, and he's not in his mid-60s.

Looks sort of jungle like, but it's just New York. Speaking of New York, that overrated city, while we were at the Amphitheater, who should show up but 7 year old Ashima with who I presume is her father who looks like Sho Aikawa from a Miike movie. I thought man this girl is everywhere! I was hoping she would wander over to our 5.12 to show us what's up but no luck. Below, the bomber toprope Mike set up with a perfect amount of cordelletes and slings on a pine tree up top.

Caffeine & Nicotine 5.12b. Neither of us did it, but it shall fall. The heat drained our energy and Mike needed a lot of energy and encouragement for his proj. I'm not the kind to yell out stuff at the crag tho. I'll need to practice doing that. So far I've heard people say stuff like "look at it look at it look at it GO!" or "Try harder!!" or "Grow taller!" or "Breath" or "Relax" or the good old "YEAHHHH!!!" Perhaps some combinations like "Grow harder" or "Try YEAH" would be appropriate at times. Why is this so complicated?

Anyway, two hoegaardens with lemon tasted good afterwards. Mike went to his local video store and rented Cloverfield amidst my sarcastic criticism of a movie I've never seen. I dissed his flick because he dismissed my suggestion of some other flick with a scantily clad french maid wielding a cleaver with buzz words like
"sex" and "mayhem" on it.

Today I had a date with my Mom to see the latest Indiana Jones and the Skull made of Plastic that's supposed to be Crystal Meth or something like that. Shia Le Buffoon's role as his son amused my Mom. She said, "What's Fonzie doing in this movie?"

Joshua Tree.

Spent a couple days in jtree to boulder on the monzogranite, which felt very similar to the Buttermilks in Bishop. The video is a problem called White Rastafarian, which is kind of tall.



The Outback:
White Rastafarian V3 R ***** Flash.
Hobbit Hole Offwidth V0- *** Flash.
Pinhead V1 Flash.
Little Sister V3 * Flash.
Pigskin V1 Flash.

Barker's Dam:
High Noon V5 **** 2nd Try.
The Chube V2 *** Flash.
Native Arete V0 ** Flash.

Eighth place.

So I went to the "2008 Gravity Brawl" in Fairfield, NJ on good ol' Route 46, just past a shop which bills itself as "Dinettes & Adult Emporium". The event was 11-4pm, so you're supposed to have 5 hours to give it your all. I showed up two hours late and was likely the last competitor to register. They didn't have any red"climber"id tags left so I got a blue "spectator" tag. I got on my first problem around 1pm. But who cares; I really paid $40 to socialize with old friends. Looks like I placed 8th in Male Advanced. My good friend Mike who owns and runs his own rock gym in NY was right there as well in 9th. I hit the 800 point glass ceiling. Everybody above me sent at least one 800 pt. problem, all of which were beyond my ability (I definitely couldn't flash any of them.) So that's 8 out of 33. Not bad. Below Advanced, there were 54 Intermediate and 26 Beginners for a total of 119. Yeah, that's the ticket. 8th out of 119.
My personal climbing results were:
3 V7 flashes.
3 V6 flashes.
2 V5 flashes.
1 V2 flash.
9 flashes. Should really be 10 flashes because one of the V6s you were allowed to start with a foot on the ground, which I found to be atypical. So much so, it had to be pointed out to me after I struggled needlessly. I failed on 5 other problems in the 700-800 pt. range. If I couldn't flash it, I couldn't do it. Of course, to put this into perspective, plastic comp ratings are soft compared to outside, so I would bump everything down 2-3 grades if you want to compare it to bouldering outside. I think the route setters inflate for good reason though. One, it gets everybody psyched, pumped, or motivated because they feel like they're sending hard stuff. Two, if the ratings were consistent with outdoors, the field would be too narrow. This is a business after all and the idea is to pack the place until it's beyond a fire hazard.
Here's a link to the recreational (non-professional results).

Warm up by getting ass kicked.

This was my warmup at Lime Kiln. It was brutal. It turned into a mission to get S's $7 quickdraw. Thanks to J who took the shots from the other side of the grotto. Thanks to S for aptly employing the term grotto. The climb was 5.6 up blocks to a hard 5.11ish slab/dihedral thing that fell away from you. I was surprised by the lack of purchase my Acopas had on the grey limestone. They didn't stick at all. It was practically pure opposition to stem. My hips still hurt the day after. Well, I got S's draw after shameful hangdogging and nearly killing my belayer with boredom.

Back to Lime Kiln Canyon.

We returned to Lime Kiln Canyon again. J & S camped at the crag in the grotto so we met them there around 11am.

This is what happens when J's kids don't behave (he's a teacher.)

I grovelled up this route, which contained a diversity of movement, from ledges to flakes, to slab. Very fun and highly recommended.

More Lime Kiln.

This is the top of the 6 pitch climb. I hope the cactii didn't damage the rope.

In the cut. In the distance is Mesquite, NV. The dirt road in the valley crosses the NV AZ state line.

Limestone madness! Hopefully we'll be back soon. I haven't published any pix of meself because I have a herpes blister on my lip. Darn promiscuity.

Lime Kiln Canyon

The Garmin leads us to cows at the NV AZ state line. Those are snow clouds in the background.

The entrance to the canyon. Inside we did a six pitch sport route, with snow flurries on one pitch. Some exploration revealed a ton of bolted sport routes in the vicinity on what looks like bullet limestone. It almost felt like those euro crags you see in the climbing mags, except that at the base of the hill, a cheesy casino awaits instead of a chalet.

Tragedy.

Yusuke prepares for the De-Nogginizer 5.11a at the Hunter S. Thompson Dome. By ensuring nipple turgidity, he heightens his ability to send.

Y at the top of the De-Nogginizer. For someone with a fear of heights, he seemed fine. Below, S competes with David Caruso of CSI for most pale dude in a sunny climate. But seriously, tragedy of Titanic proportions struck as a hold broke under the brutal strength of S's grip and his right pinky finger ligament/tendon/pulley took some damage. We were able to splint it with a yellow highlighter and some tape, and later x-rays revealed no broken bones. Despite the swelling and the pain, S came back two days later to send 5.10s. Crazy. And what's up with that golf hat?

Texas Lite Sweet 5.11b

Below, S preparing for some sort of deadpoint to a kind of sharp side pull. Note the awesome determination. Do not note the top rope.

We have liftoff!

Me trying the same. No dice. But it's interesting that my foot kicked out in a fashion noticeably distinct from S above. Lack of technique? Desperation? I dunno. I think it's the lack of the Sportiva Solutions. I was using Galileos. See what happens when you buy American (made in Korea)?

Hunter S. Thompson dome.

Here I am with Kay, Justin, Sandy, KC, Emily, Bing, and unpictured: Pilar and Doug. We are all on our way to the Hunter S. Thompson dome where everybody would proceed to hike the 5.8s there. Next time 5.9s for these people.

Black Corridor

My belayer, who was 6'4", magnanimously hung the draws. Very nice route that climbs well. Nothing awkward, just hard. Pic is me pinkpointing Livin' on Borrowed Time 5.11c. Also did Rebel without a Pause 5.11b, Dancin' with a God 5.10a (P felt it was a classic), plus three 5.9+ routes and one 5.7 with a very scenic view from the top. Even though the temperature was comfortable, the rock was freezing because the Black Corridor gets very little sun. Halfway through our visit, a family showed up with a portable crib that contained a crying baby and then they amplified their i-pod so everybody could enjoy their crappy-ass 90s music like Counting f-ing Crows.

The pink umbilical cord of life. P preparing for a very scenic 5.7.

Sunset at the second pullout. The yuccas must have seen the Seventh Seal by Ingmar Bergman.

Red Rocks - Kraft Boulders

It looks like he's handling my a$$ quite nicely. I need a better climbing photographer.


32oz of Diet Pepsi V4
Betty Boulder V2
Traverse into Potato Chips V4
Some nameless V3
Jones'in V4
Dusty Coffee V5 (flash - pic)
The Clam Bumper V4
The Shocker V2
Jenna's Jewelry V4
Monkey Up V4
The Prayer V6
Amazing Grace V4
The Offering Scam V1

I must be getting weak because those V4s felt hard. I don't know about the grades in the guidebook. In fact, I'm starting to lose my grasp on grades at this point. My personal grading system is now silence, grunt, growl, hissing exhale, scream. But sometimes the growl works better than the hissing.