The decider?

We finally convinced Shawn to visit Robbers' Roost at Mt. Charleston. In true SM fashion, he immediately eyed the hardest stuff and said, "I wanna do that." Or maybe it was more of a pointing gesture followed by, "That. Me climb. Hard." I just realized his initials also stand for sado-masochism. Huh. So we set up basecamp with all new and shiny products: rei lawn chair, new stick clip, even a Bose speaker for the ipod.

Here's SM on Contortionist Corner 5.12c. It's an overhanging dihedral that's a little heady because you could encounter some limestone if you blow a clip. He's screaming because he's attempting to get finger jam or stack into an overhanging pocket.

Contortionist Corner 5.12c from Hotel Sierra on Vimeo.

I like JB's shot because it accurately depicts the steepness. I was able to hangdog through it, but it cost me as my tricep became so exercised at the end, it wouldn't stop twitching until 3am that evening. I wish I knew the biochemistry behind that, as it's probably lack of something like potassium or magnesium or sodium. I foolishly thought my quadruple espresso from Starbux would tide me over. Speaking of JB, he did a marvelous job on an 11b or c on the opposite wall although sadly no footage. And that despite the bright Bufon soccer jersey!

We also attempted America's Most Wanted 5.13c. SM hangdogged through to the chains, but I was pretty much shut down from the opening moves. Steep limestone roof technique took a raincheck on me that day. I like this photo by JB, but it would be easier on my ego if I wasn't pusillanimously clutching the chain with my right hand! The severe overhang combined with a tad of dehydration had my abs cramping up in no time.
Below, superboy gazes into the empty space that awaits.

Vol de Nuit.

Based upon Shawn’s worldly suggestion, I convinced some coworkers to visit this hip bar in the west village. They had belgian ales on tap and a great selection in bottled format. I myself quite enjoyed the Orval. The bartenders however were slow and unfriendly- I think it’s my blue Northface backpack. Man, walk into a trendy bar with one of those on and with a silly nalgene hanging off of it and you are the epitomy of uncool. Don’t do it. Leave it to professional uncool and awkward people like myself. Then, my friend Jane witnessed a four inch cockroach in the wc which basically ended any future visits. I nervously entered the wc afterwards fully expecting an arthropod the size of my hand to skitter up one of my pant legs and leave me in the madhouse rocking in a corner. Instead, I stumbled upon some amusing graffiti, which I have arranged for you below in ascending order of philosophical importance.

We start off with a quote by Baudrillard... something about the "desert of the real." I have no clue what he meant by this, but I think it was used in the Matrix, so it must be important.

Onward to onanism... it's almost dialectical. We start off with self pleasuring, evolve to mutual, and end with total rejection. Good stuff.
"Bush is Satan." Now that's deep.
"Yup... another turd.." Can't argue with or mock that one. Must be a universal truth.

Wonderstuff failed attempts.

Here's a video Shawn made of me on wonderstuff 5.12d. It's supposed to be soft for 12d, but it's still relatively unfathomable for me at this point. I think this one is going to require some, gulp, training. Don't know if I will, or what that would entail. Cardio? Less bacon on the weekends? Meditation? Too bad it's now a bajillion degrees in Vegas, so I might have to wait until autumn for a good try again. Back to Mt. Charleston for some drilled limestone pockets...

Wonderstuff attempts. from Hotel Sierra on Vimeo.

Fear This Sport.

Video of me falling off the first bouldery crux of Fear this Sport 5.12b at Cannibal Crag. I later discovered a knee bar but it's still quite difficult for me. If anybody out there has good beta, I'll take it. After falling, there is an impromptu moment of passion. Hey, it happens.

Triple Right.

Matt was kind enough to introduce Masa, Satoshi, and me to this “new” area. New to us at least. It was recently featured in Rock & Ice and bigupproductions’ Tis the Season. Anywho, it’s quality rock, kinda tall, with flat landings. When we arrived we encountered a dozen or so friendly cadets from the West Point rock climbing club. We climbed with them a little while before moving on. Below Linda works a V4. Unusual for this area (gunks) to find a nice overhanging moderate with friendly holds and good movement.


As we meandered along this edge of the Mohonk Preserve, bright green plant life was bursting through the carpet of dried leaves. Masa said that in Japan they fry these plants in tempura. Next time we’ll have to add tempura mix and a frying pan to our bouldering gear.

Below, Satoshi 6'+, Matt 5'6", and Masa 5'10" warm up on something, maybe a V1 or V2.

Masa on the crux of a pretty neat V4 slab.
Below, Nicholas Cage on the V7.

V7 (redpoint) … Masa really worked this one. He bled for it. Masa just can’t keep his blood to himself.
The black flies and mosquitos love his blood as well. He’s better than bug spray. Just stand next to him, and all the airborne bloodsuckers flock to him leaving you unscathed. Must be something he eats. Of course the V7 was right above a pool of stagnant water filled with mosquito larvae. Matt sent on his 2^nd try. Unfortunately I didn’t get video of the send. I only got his pre-send slip-up followed by his patented rapid fire cussing.

V8 failure … This was my favorite problem of the day. Naturally- because I couldn’t do any of the moves. But it appeared to require a decent amount of core tension. There’s a cool undercling move on a sliver of granite that looks transparent and ready to snap off with no warning. Somebody better not break that off before I get on it again.

V5 (redpoint) … Masa uses the calf hook. When the heel just isn’t enough.

At the end of the day Eric’s girlfriend showed up. She’s super strong. They have a gigantic Nemo chalkbag. What’s Nemo up to?

34 point bouldering day and I’m not sore… plus I never send above V5 away from home. Although I’m in NYC/NJ so frequently it doesn’t feel like a road trip. I mean I know every inch of the NY thruway from NJ to New Paltz. It almost feels like home. Did my cocktail of bacon, eggs, pancakes, double espressos, creatine, and sudafed work? I would be tempted instead to downgrade everything by 3 but then MS might piledrive me…

See Spot Run.

Another belated Hueco sequence of Satoshi sending See Spot Run V6.

Kelly Canyon.

Donkey Punch V6 (at the end of the video)... I just punked out on the sandy dirtiness. My friend Tim suggested a brush, maybe even a broom. Man was he right. I think spade, trowel, and high pressure water hose would have been more like it. Yeah, that and uh, some climbing ability. Nonetheless, a beautiful line with fluid and rewarding movement. The setup for the crux is a thing of beauty with a flag to make the holds positive and then a deadpoint to a decent crimp. Just to give credit where credit's due, the flag beta was Matt's idea. Well, that's the first crux. I think the top out is the real crux. I'll need to suss that out next time for the send.

Then I lost a bet on a deceptively heinous V6 slab: Either I send V6 in 6 tries, or else 6-pack for Matt. A satanic bet. I lost. Matt is triumphant with his Dos Equis (last seconds of video.)

Dope Lounge V4 - couldn't yank after blowing my load on Donkey Punch and the slab. In fact I fell on Dope Lounge from the triangle sloper and twisted my friggin ankle. Arrg. Mental note: don't do tall stuff when you're tired. Plus: make sure your crashpad isn't going to slide when you hit it. Double plus: Try harder.

Props to Matt and Jay for their tremendous spotting, which saved my ass at least a dozen times that day.

Priest Draw.

Things I've learned about Flagstaff AZ.
1. it's cold. At elevation, it's 60s in Vegas, but this morning in Flagstaff it was in the 20s. Bring a down jacket in beginning of April. Apparently even in the summer, it only reaches up to 80.

2. It's a "dark" town because of an observatory. There are no street lights and parking lots have no lights. With my tinted windows at night I couldn't see shite.

3. A blizzard came through right before I moseyed into town on I-40. The snow is apparently able to stick to vertical highway signs so you can't read them. That combined with Flagstaff being a dark town, I kept searching the night horizon for the pink glow from an urban center (Vegas is visible from 100 miles away) but could find none.

4. There's a truckload of bouldering right outside of town. Priest Draw is approximately 8 miles away with well traveled trail approaches that are flat and easy. A lazy boulderer's (I know that's redundant) dream!

Ran into a couple kids who are students at NAU who took happened to be on a Hueco tour of the West Mountain with my friends and I back in January. Amazing how small the climbing world is. Here we warm up on some boulder where every hold is a jug.
Below I do some V5 called Whip and Cross or something like that.
Afterwards, we head to home depot to get a brush and extend-o stick to brush holds at Kelly Canyon. Jay and Matt react humorously to an asian wielding a camera in home depot.
Dinner... we had no pepper, so I used chili paste on a new york steak. Matt's skirt steak makes a guest appearance.

A meager day...

Triangle Boulder
V0 - flash
V3 - flash

Bat Roof
V3 Bat roof - flash
V1 fin thing - flash

Killer Wall
V1 - flash
V2 - flash
V5 whip and cross 2nd try and then repeated for camera. (2nd time was supposed to be staged for camera, but decided to do finish it anyway.) Soft for 5 but who cares.

Wife Beater V7... I couldn't get past sloper (2nd move). Matt was able to match on sloper due to his abundance of fur and gristle but chickened out before the huck- with good reason since we only had two medium sized pads and it was a stepped landing.

Anorexix V6 - failure. Couldn't get past the frickin first roof. My toe hooking sucks. All the moves are totally doable tho. I did the climb easily from after the initial roof. Definitely will go, just need to perfect the foot beta in the beginning since I don't have fingers of steel. In fact, none of my anatomy consists of steel. Tomorrow the plan is to go with Matt and Jay to kelly canyon for some sandstone bouldering. I'm secretly hoping it's closed so I'll have another espresso fueled chance on Anorexic...

Two finger lock off.

SM demonstrates some two finger lock off power. On first hard part of Monster Skank. I couldn't do this move, although now I see he sort of did a jump. I was trying a more static method. Next time, Monster Skank!

Front Corridor.

Without any prior overt communication, all sport climbers bend over simultaneously. One of the oddities of sport climbing behavior. Species from left to right: one homo climberus pilotus, two homo climberus teacherae (sub-species hubristis.)

Another common behavior observed especially in homo teacherae: Leader warms up fingers by cavorting with belayer's derriere.

The chalking ritual. These creatures believe that chalk contains magical properties that improve their climbing. Note the corduroy pink sequined chalk bag on left climber exhibiting more bending over behavior. The hind display is employed to ward off potential threats (like photographers.)
Entering the first crux on Monster Skank 5.13b (8a).

Raku.

A superlative dining experience. Here you can see Pilar about to feed her Raku habit. It's worse than coke.

Inside, your bleached chopsticks (the one weakness, but where have you ever not encountered bleached chopsticks?*) are wrapped with a cute logo.

Emily ordered the agedashi tofu, the best I've ever had. It came topped with scallions and ikura. I especially liked the tongue-shaped dab of spicy sauce on the lip of the bowl.

Pilar went for the grilled mackerel. It's deboned so you can rip right into the bubbled flesh like the vulture you are. Comes with a shredded turnip or radish, I forget which, but the waitress recommended adding some soy sauce to the white stuff and it was delicioso.

No dessert because I had to cut out to catch a redeye flight to the east coast.

*Now that I think about it, a Korean places do offer metal chopsticks, which is pretty cool. That way, if somebody tries to poison me, I'll know because the metal will change color if it touches poison. That's the origin of metal chopsticks. OK, I made that up.

I got nothin.

I want to report climbing on Thursday with SM at the Front Corridor in the Sandstone Quarry.
Tried Monster Skank 5.13b and Sunsplash 5.13b. Got bitch slapped on both.
We only made to the 3rd or 4th bolt on either route. Sunsplash I strongly suspect is a drilled route. It looks blank from the ground and utterly impossible, but when you get on it, suddenly you're sinking up to your second knuckle into deep two-finger pockets. I've been on drilled routes elsewhere and it was a similar feeling. Despite the apparent manufacturing, it was a lot of fun with good movement, and SM said it reminded him of The Equalizer 5.13a at Charleston.

While ascending Sunsplash, SM ripped a gaseous cloud of noxiousness over my belaying head. I nearly passed out and almost let go of the rope. Fortunately the gri-gri would have saved him if I were to have passed out. It must have been a relaxation of the rectal sphincter due to blood sugar redirection to the parts of his body straining to stay on the wall. Completely understandable. I believe this happens to runners when they shit themselves during a marathon. I've witnessed this also when boulderers try really really hard on a move. I guess if you squeeze in one place, you must relax another. Since your ass is not holding the rock, your body must say, "OK, you can relax" and then the squeeze fart occurs. There must be a word for this. Taking a cue from shart, might I propose "squart"?

In order to atone for lack of photos (it's hard with two people... it seems at least three is required for climbing photography/video) I'm posting some stuff from the end of the Hueco trip where we lost our minds from too much volcanic porphyry, tamales, and caffeine.

I don't know how M convinced us to do this...
My favorite picture of the trip...
Random photo of one of my coworkers as we wandered around Madison Avenue in search of ramen noodles.